my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude. I can hear the air.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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