dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
