in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
