Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
