How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
