we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
