it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
