...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
