I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
