I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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