Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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