Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
