I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
