you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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