Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
