My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
