They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
