i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
