Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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