you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
