Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
