I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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