I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
