Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
