we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
