I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
