I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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