Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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