I'm really into asian looking animals
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
