Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
