I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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