when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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