Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
