Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
