remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
