Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
