If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
