Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
