1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
