Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
