College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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