i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
