His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
