I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
