I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
