with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
