its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
