Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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