First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
