I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
where are my eyebrows?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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