I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Are my feet made of real feet?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
COCAINE IS GR8
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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