Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
