Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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